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Easter Weekend (here's that whining I promised you):
I have to work all weekend long including Sunday :( That really stinks! Every year that I have worked at this hospital I have worked on Easter Sunday. I honestly hate missing out on the holidays with Jacob but someone has to be there at the hospital and I guess I'm the designated Easter nurse, LOL. Maybe I should wear ears and a tail, I'm sure that would be real cute, hehehe. I do have to say that I have also never worked a Christmas day since I started at that hospital so I will take that any day over Easter :) I know that Jacob would much rather have me here on Christmas than Easter and I can deal with another weekend at work, I'm hoping it's a easy weekend for me.
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NEVER CHOKE IN A SOUTHERN RESTAURANT (a lil' funny for ya):
Two big rednecks walk into a restaurant. After ordering their cornbread, beans and taters, they talk about the latest addition to their junkyard business.
Suddenly a woman at a nearby table, who is eating country ham, begins to cough. After several seconds it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin youins swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.
"Kin youins breathe?" The womans' lips begins to turn blue and she shakes her head no.
The redneck walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent coughing spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the eatin' bar.
His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't never seed nobody do it."
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That one makes me giggle every time I read it, LOL!! So cute!!
Now I want to share some fabulous layouts with you, well I think they're fabulous anyway :) You can click on the title of each one to go to my gallery and see the full credits, for now I'm just giving the main stuff on them:
Swimming with Stingrays: (produts from Paula Duncan and Melanie Colosimo)
Vogue (created using products from Weeds & Wildflowers):
No Longer My Baby (using Weeds & Wildflowers products):
Simply Adorable (using products from Janel Kretschman):
Chillin' (using products from Paula Duncan):
Bloom (using products from Kelly Shults):
Lacy Reading (using products from Bren Boone):
These last two are from a kit that's not released yet and I just wanted to tease you a bit with it!! It's a fabulous kit and you will be seeing it VERY soon so keep your eyes open for it :)
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Believe it or not you can now find me on My Space!! I've had my profile there for ages but never had anything on it. I'm slowly adding things to it. If you have it feel free to add me as a friend so we can post and chat with fun lil notes, LOL!!
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Okay, time for those last two funnies and then I'm outta here, these two are a tad more "adult" so you can skip em if that's not for you :)
Who is Jack Schitt?
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt
*giggles*
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Philosophy of Sex:
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
--Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
--Matt Barry
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
--George Burns
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
--George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
--Dustin Hoffman
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams
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Okay, that's it boys and girls, I know it was long but what do you expect when I've been gone this long? Hehehehe, hopefully next time will be sooner and shorter :)
1 comments:
Those are great jokes!! I especially like the Hind lick manuvour!! That was hilarious!! Great layouts!!
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